Why am I so deluded?

When I initially found out I was pregnant with Rose, like most women on their first pregnancies I went in to a bit of a panic at the thought of how much weight I might put on.

It didn’t help that I had just spent over a year dieting and training for my first marathon, and was at the slimmest I’d been in years.

The first few weeks of my pregnancy I made a concerted effort to eat sensibly, I did reintroduced foods which I had cut back on to help lose weight which I knew the baby would need though, but I consciously tried not to fall into the trap of eating for two.

But it didn’t last long, the further I went into my pregnancy the more I ate both in terms of quantity but also in calorie content, I ate cake like everyday from about 6 months on. An eleven day trip to New York to visit my partners great grandparents added to my weight gain, with 3 lovingly prepared meals everyday and lots of new American foods I’d normally stay away from. Like half a blueberry pie I ate in the early hours of the morning whilst still suffering from jet lag.

And what about exercise? Well, I gave up running cos I was simply too scared to run to be honest, I did do some swimming and a little bit of yoga but not enough.

The end result?

I tipped the scale at over 21 stone by the time I was due. You would not believe how large I was. I could barely get off the sofa.

But I had a plan.

A few days before Rose made her appearance I made a note on my phone giving a month by month breakdown of how much I would lose after I gave birth and how I planned to do this, and running was a key part of my plan.

But ever the optimist I think I underestimated just how difficult this would be.

Don’t get me wrong I am happy with my weightloss so far, more than 5 stone in fact but what I have come to realise is

A. Just how much pressure I put on myself

B. Just how deluded I can be

I attempted my first 5k just 7 weeks after giving birth, signed up to a 10k about a month later which I ran in May and then signed up to not one but two half marathons this Autumn.

In 2 weeks time I will be on the starting line with thousands of other runners geared up to tackle 13.1 miles around Greenwich as part of a race called Run to the Beat.

Am I ready? Am I heck.

I went on a club run last night with my running club, the East London Runners. The route was just over 7 miles. I had lost the bulk of the other runners by mile 1, by mile 2 I was considering running back the way I had just come, mile 3 I had an incident with a wasps nest, I stopped around mile 4 for a bottle of water (something I rarely do on training runs), we skipped the 2nd park of the “two park run” course and made our way back to the clubs base having completed 7 miles and arriving in darkness with nobody else to be seen in the carpark.

When I say we, I am basically talking about myself and Don the clubs very patient backrunner. Thanks once again Don.

I found out last night that I am nowhere near ready for next Sundays half. But will I be pulling out…nope. I will just turn up as planned and see what happens on the day, I might find it ok afterall, I might get a sudden burst of energy and wizz round. What’s the worst that could happen hey? Or maybe I shouldn’t even ask that.

I question whether my constant drive to commit to things even when I’m not ready for them is advisable. What do you think? Is there something seriously wrong with me?

Comments
8 Responses to “Why am I so deluded?”
  1. Stacey says:

    I think it is great that you are going to do it at all – stop worrying about how much bother it seems to be and just go out there and enjoy it. Hell, you’ve lost 5 stone which is fabulous and you are working on the rest, so just take it one step at a time and enjoy yourself! Don’t be hard on yourself all the time – other people do that for you. Just be kind to yourself and enjoy the day.

  2. Hamish says:

    I wouldn’t say “deluded”. You’re just pushing yourself harder than most if us would. 5k just 7 weeks after giving birth?! As for last night’s run: we all have bad runs. I’ve just had two in a row. There’s a voice in my head telling me how awful I am, but I’m trying to ignore it. Anyway, I’ve got a special 5k run this Sunday and I’m going to ace that.

    Your half-marathon next Sunday? If you’re really not prepared for it then just take it easy on the day. Easy on the course and easy on yourself. For most people in this country even contemplating a half-marathon would be too much.

  3. mariekeates says:

    Commando is doing the Run to the Beat half too! Hey I might even see you as I am going as ‘support,’ which mainly means having a nice walk a d trying to be at the finish line to see him cross it! For him it is part of his training plan for the Bournemouth marathon and he will probably finish in around two hours but he has stupidly long legs and the body of a racing snake (sometimes I hate him!). If you see a nutty looking blonde power walking that will be me 🙂

  4. I don’t think you are at all deluded. I think attempting things that you don’t think you can do is the only way to improve. You can only try. And look at how far you’ve come – you just ran 7 miles last night! I’m also doing run to the beat and (again you might say stupidly) attempted to do a training programme over a summer when I moved house, moved city, and started a new job with insane working hours. But I tried and I’m just going to give it my best shot. I’ll give a massive cheer if I see you and we’ll both just do what we can! Let’s enjoy the day and celebrate challenging ourselves and not letting anything (babies, jobs, relocations) stop us.

  5. TartanJogger says:

    I wish I had a fraction of your dedication and commitment! You got out there, and ran 7 miles, and you’re going to go out there and run a half. That makes me think ‘wow!’ and ‘I wish I had that level of commitment’. Just get out there and enjoy it!

  6. Amber says:

    Just remember, you kept running even though you had thoughts of going back home. The good runs, where the miles fly by and it feels as if you are running on clouds, more than make up for the runs where you want to stop. Besides, having a bad run is better than not having run at all.

  7. Rozette says:

    There is something seriously right with you. You dared yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Worst casi scenario…this is your 1/2 baseline and you know you will improve from there. And the slower your time, the greater percentage of improvement for your next one. Bonus!

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