Do you wanna know why I blog??

I am in one of those frustrating hard to describe moods today where I don’t know how I feel, what I want to do…or even what I think about things. For example I have changed my mind twenty times at least today about whether to go for a run or not this evening, and I have written and rewritten this introduction 3 times already and I am still tempted to highlight it all and press the delete button.

I have been feeling weird all week if truth be known. I was on a real high this time last week launching my #fattys10challenge off the back of my new eBook 10K and then later on in the week I went on a fab training course about building a brand and I came away from the day with a whole heap of ideas and exciting things I wanted to do with my blog. And now???

Well…I have had flu for the past few days, in fact I was so poorly on Friday I could barely get up and make Rose’s meals let alone anything proper for myself. So I have had 4 days of eating rubbish, no exercise and generally just feeling a bit blue. I am also having a minor operation tomorrow which is playing on my mind so I think I am going through a phase of just feeling sorry for myself.

Today I tried to snap out of it by getting up early and taking Rose to playgroup and it was helping for a while I suppose, until a lady who I had never met before asked over the soft play  “So when do you go back to work then?” propelling me back into my dark mood. Why is it that people presume your life, i.e. your circumstances are identical to theirs? I have no job to go back to thank you very much!!!

I was made redundant last November after working for 8 years on the lead up to the London 2012 Olympic & Paralympic Games, I also happened to be 7 an a bit months pregnant at the time, so although it was terrible timing in terms of financial security it has worked out ok as I have enjoyed having a year off to look after my daughter and review what it is I want to do with my life. But I am broke!!

Being back in employment has been on my mind recently though. It is unavoidable as we steam ahead towards Xmas and the new year. I REALLY need to sort out what I am doing with my life. During the last 10 months I have of course been very busy getting acquainted with my daughter, but to keep my brain ticking over and to help get my pre pregnancy body back (watch this space) I have been writing my blog and cooking up projects and initiatives to get others on board with my fattymustrun philosophy. I have thoroughly enjoyed having the time to do this and have been humbled by the emails and messages of support from my followers.

However…and it is a big however. Is this really where my future lies??

I know I have a lot of knowledge and experience, and dare I say it passion when it does to inspiring plus sized runners to take running seriously, and I have close to twenty years experience in project management and partnership working, in areas such as arts, culture, sport, young people.  But do I have the business savvy needed to make it a profitable enterprise in this difficult climate? One which means I don’t have to go back to full-time work in the next couple of months (As my bank balance is hinting quite strongly that this is what I really should do)

I never set out to be a blogger.

I never set out to make money from this crazy concept.

I never set out to inspire other runners.

I started this blog simply as a way to kick my own butt in the lead up to my Marathon attempt in 2012. My friends and family were sick of hearing about my running all the time, so putting it down on paper (or on-screen if you like) was a way of expressing myself and recording my journey.

But what I realised a few months after running my marathon was that the story didn’t finish there. I noticed that other similar bloggers stopped blogging after their big challenge was over, or once they had lost their weight and got to goal, disappearing into the digital ether. I also realised that a lot of these bloggers were all like “me, me, me…I, I, I” with the focus very much about them and what they were up to, how they were feeling etc.

That is when I realised that what I was doing was slightly different. I wanted to encourage others to have a voice, to share their story…to see if there were similarities, issues we were all facing and if there were solutions to these problems that we could trial together. Despite how it may seem, I am not the most confident of people and I don’t like the limelight on me at all – this is why for almost 2 years I was anonymous on my blog and on twitter with no pictures.

I haven’t blogged for over a week and that is simply because I haven’t been for a run since this time last week, I haven’t been well enough.

But this evening I was compelled to blog because of an email I received from a young lady from New Hampshire in the USA. She has recently discovered my blog, and at a significant point for her really seeing as she is running her first half marathon this weekend. She was thanking me basically for making her feel like she is not alone in terms of her fears and insecurities about being an overweight runner. (She weighs 200lbs). She says,

I am sure you know how inspiring you are to all the fatgirls out there.  As someone who has been overweight my entire life I am always feeling judged and going into this half marathon I was so worried what everyone else was going to think when this fatgirl lines up for this “Jingle Bell” New Hampshire Half Marathon .. I appreciate your honesty in all of your posts, it is so comforting and inspiring!  I know a large part of running is mental and your blog is helping me fight through these insecure voices in my head.

THIS IS WHY I BLOG!!!!

It might sound stupid or airy fairy  or whatever…but you know how people of faith or the inspirational leaders behind important worldwide campaigns talk about having a calling? Well…this is how I feel about this issue of Fat women running. And OK it might not be saving starving children, or tackling global warming…but it is for many women across the globe an important area that needs to be discussed.

Last week I met with a sports development professional from a local borough near me to discuss ways of getting more non runners into the sport. It was a very productive meeting and we have a few things in the pipeline for 2014. She made a comment though that has been playing on my mind since then making me feel that perhaps there is a disjoint between how I see what I am doing and how others see it, she said,

I told my boss about the #onebigfatrun thing and he said we can’t promote it to our residents because of the word FAT!!!

Now she had my back and fought the fight on my behalf explaining why it was OK in this context to use the word and why as a woman (who was a little on the larger side too) would respond well to the campaign because of its honesty. In the UK 2 out of 3 women are overweight, or obese…yet many of the people in positions to help address this, the people holding the purse strings, writing government policy etc are too scared to simply use a descriptive word that sums up the root of the problem, a word that is just an honest matter of fact term which is easily understood by the masses.

So what am I getting at here?

HHHmmmmm??

I am back to that indecisive mood of mine again, so I may have to come back to the complex issue of “Using the Fat word” fear in a later post. But in essence what I am saying is that I really believe that the message I have to share with the world is a valid one, and for as long as I have people following, liking and commenting on my blog posts, I will carry on writing them.

I may never earn a penny from the support or advice I dish out daily to hundreds of women across the globe, but at least I know I am speaking from the heart and trying to address some of the problems that many overweight women face.

My name is Julie “fattymustrun” Creffield, I am a FAT runner and a full-time Blogger

 

Comments
2 Responses to “Do you wanna know why I blog??”
  1. bigfootmarty says:

    Thanks for the info and thoughts. Good job- Good post

    https://twitter.com/martyroddy

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